Everyone knows, Arnold is the bitch of The Magic School Bus. In more ways than one. First of all, he’s perpetual complaining that he has ride a school bus through space, or the digestive system, all while learning valuable life lessons. What the hell Arnold. You bitch. What I would give, Arnold. Arnold is a sniveling pip-squeak who doesn’t know what he has until it’s gone. That’s very American, Arnold.
My theory is that the creators of this show knew exactly what they were doing: imposing radical but very possible reform on American education. What the board of education could be doing is sending children on wild and magical adventures through time and space but NO. They must damn us by pinning numbers on our backs that say “Oh, thanks for applying to our college, Jimmy, but obviously, you suck balls at life because your ACT score is just ‘meh’. Destiny’s a bitch, ain’t it? The insurance firm down the way is hiring, have fun working a dead-end job till you die!”
Think about this, just for a second. A bus for every classroom.
Teacher: “and when the baby whale emerges from the womb, it makes a peculiar sound like that of a- What the hell. Why are we reading this shit. Everyone to the bus, let’s see some real whales, bitches!
THERE WOULD BE NO MORE GRUMBLING ABOUT SCHOOL. Unless you’re a Hitler, like Arnold, but everone secretly wants to roundhouse kick him in the throat anyhoo so it doesn’t matter. Kids would be shouting expletives because of snow days, And there would also be no slavery.
Think about it! Showing children flocks of Zebras and Platupai first hand- that shit is pretty real. Pretty authentic. And now, the college board folks are like: “Oh, Cletus~! You were on the bus mission that saved Toledo from combusting into flames? Hot damn. Pack your bags, and welcome to Harvard.”
Sigh. Obama, read this. Obama would sign the “Magic School Bus” bill. So we’ll have to propose a constitutional amendment- and march on washington. (Possible candidates- Kevin Bacon, Dr. Peterson, Kenny Loggins…Dumbledore?)
Spread the word, baby. Educational reform is on the horizon. Stick it to THE MAN.
Later-
Luke.
